The Imagination of a 5 Year Old

This week Liam has been periodically telling us little details of his alien life while driving to and from school. It started with my mom on Monday. On Tuesday night she asked me if Liam told me about how he's an alien. He had. Here's what mom and I have pieced together.

Liam is a good alien, but there are bad aliens on his planet. They all had to leave their planet. I think because the bad aliens took over. He was on the Moon for 60 days before he came to Earth. He decided to be born to me. His face is just a mask. I asked him what his alien face looks like and he said matter of fact, "I don't know. I've never seen it, mom." (like I'm the biggest idiot in the world for asking that question.)

He's gone into great detail about how long he was on the Moon and stuff, but of course I can't remember everything now. I do good to ask an intelligent question during rush hour and while Brianna is trying to talk over him. But I thought this was funny, creative enough to share.

Maybe he'll be a writer some day.

My Husband

I've been taking Greg for granted as you tend to do after almost eight years of marriage. (Wow, eight years) In my efforts to improve my Karma, I've been trying not to do this as much (I'm still a work in progress). In that vein and in no particular order, here are some of the wonderful things about Greg.

1. I literally can not tell you how many parent's have come up to me to tell me what a great soccer coach Greg is and how he is so good with the kids. All the kids love him and I don't mean just a little bit. He's silly with them and he's a good teacher without taking all the fun out of the game. He's fair and he always can point out at least one good thing every team member did at every game or practice. He's encouraging without being demanding. These are little kids (4 & 5 year olds). Some of the other coaches are . . . how do I put this nicely . . . serious about the game. Not to say that Greg isn't competitive, but it seems to be only with adults. When I see him interacting with these kids, it reminds me of one of the reasons I married him.

2. My mom and I took the kids up to Valley Fair mall (about an hours drive away). It's always exhausting when we take them shopping with us. They lose interest pretty quickly and you have to be creative with the bribes to get them to behave when you're not in a 'fun' store. Needless to say, we're always exhausted at the end of these trips and the kids get a nap on the way home. This particular weekend, I had a ton of laundry to do because Brianna didn't have any more clean underwear and Liam was getting pretty low too. The house was also a disaster area. I walk into the house around 5:00 and my wonderful husband had cleaned the kitchen and family room. He also washed and dried all the kids clothes. I just had to fold and put away. It was like the house was bathed in a beautiful light with angels singing. He even took care of dinner because I just couldn't do it.

3. This morning as we were getting ready we told Liam that he couldn't wear his Clonetrooper mask or take his blaster. He had a total meltdown. He asked if his teacher told us those were the rules and how they were stupid rules. I wanted to scream, "Just deal with it!" because I have no patience in the morning. Greg explained calmly that this was a good thing because it means that Liam gets to dress up as two different things. He could be the Clonetrooper for Halloween and he could pick something else for school. Liam perked right up and decided to be a pirate. Of course his pirate costume was from two years ago and the pants don't fit. So he put on some black sweatpants, his pirate shirt that went to the middle of his forearm, his eye patch, and I put a pirate tattoo on him (that Greg found somewhere in the house) and some black eyeliner for a mustache & beard. Again, Greg saved the day with his calm and level headedness in the morning.

I would absolutely be a horrible mother without Greg (especially in the morning)!

I'm Not a PC Anymore

Just got a MacBook Pro yesterday. Now I'm sitting on the couch blogging while Brianna watches the Monsters vs Alien Halloween special. It's pretty sweet. Hopefully this will mean that I'll blog more.

And the Mac is so easy. I'm basically figuring everything out without any help - well I did read the little getting started book, but that's it so far.

I haven't done any photos or video on it yet, but I hear from friends that it's pretty sweet and again easy and it's all part of the package. No need to buy separate software.

Well, I'm off to play around on my new laptop some more. Later

Moments

Today I had a few extra minutes, so I checked out the family blogs. On the Cronin Family blog, Janelle had posted some wonderful pictures of four generations of Cronins. There was Granny (Greg’s grandmother), Diana, Janelle, and little Jaxon (although I don’t think I’ll be able to call him little for long). It made me smile and think, “I remember when we did that” and then it hit me. . . We didn't do it with four generations. My Gram never got to meet my children and the tears started. At work on my lunch hour, I’m sitting at my desk trying to keep it together. It’s been 11 years since she died and there are moments when it hits me like her funeral was yesterday.

She’s not the only loved one I’ve lost. I went to more funerals before the age of 25 than I care to count. Both my dad’s parents died before I graduated high school. My crazy uncle with cancer died. My great-uncle, who I thought was my grandpa when I was little because all my cousins called him grandpa, died not that long after my Gram. But none of those deaths can still bring me to tears.

When I was growing up and my dad would go TDY or before we got housing when we moved back to Monterey for my dad to take yet another language class, we’d live with my Gram. The only big holidays that we had were typically at my Gram’s house – otherwise it was just the three of us (mom, dad and me). But at Gram’s there’d be all my uncles and once they started getting married, their wives. And it was always fun!

I have so many funny memories:

*When I was little everyone would get me to sneak up on Gram and tickle her feet while she was watching TV and setting her hair in curlers and dippity doo. She’d always scream and everyone would always laugh.

*Once one of the boys (and it might have been my dad) had a bright idea to burn cardboard boxes in the fireplace to get rid of them. The house filled with smoke and the fire department arrived. I wanted to see what was going on, but Gram took me to the back bedroom and wouldn’t let me come out. I was not happy at the time, but now I see how she was protecting me or maybe just keeping me out of the way.

*Gram taught me to play cribbage and pinochle. She was always ready to play cards.

*The most terrifying and funny memory was when my mom and I were living at Gram’s house and dad had just gotten back into town. That night I slept in a roll away bed in Gram’s room. I was afraid of the dark. Gram snored really loudly. She also called out letters to Pat Sajack like she was on Wheel of Fortune. I finally mustered up enough courage to get out of the bed and head to my parent’s room. I put my hand on the door knob and a voice booms, “Erin get back in bed now!” I ran to my bed and pulled the covers up and didn’t move. Literally I didn’t move all night. I fell asleep eventually, but the next morning my muscles were so sore because I held perfectly still. Looking back it’s funny, but at the time I’m surprised I didn’t wet myself.

*When I got to be a teenager and still had no idea what I was talking about, I liked to bring up sex questions or other embarrassing topics at dinner. It was so much fun to see the look on Gram’s face and the redness on my dad’s face. I don’t think either one of them ever realized I did it just to get a reaction out of them.

Once my dad retired and we settled in Monterey, we spent even more time with Gram. My mom and Gram, were close, much like I’m very close with my mom. The three of us would do stuff together all the time. We’d play cards. We’d go to movies. We’d have lunch and talk. To this day it pisses me off to no end to see three generations at lunch and the two youngest generations are on their cell phones. They have no idea what they are missing. Once in college when I was trying to avoid writing a paper, I wrote a poem for Gram. I’m not really a poet or anything, but it just came out of me. I had to express these feelings to her. I’m so glad I did. I know she always knew how much I loved her and how much she meant to me.

I just wish Greg and the kids had gotten to meet her, but I talk about her quite a bit, so they can get to know her vicariously through my stories and she will live on.

Random Gram things:

*You're full of malarkey

*Shyzter - she was trying to say shit in German but never pronounced it right

*She would go around signing the Tennessee Waltz when my mom was a kid and both mom and I think of her when we hear that song

*She would sing Mare's Eat Oats to me when I was a kid

*She was smart as a whip and could beat everyone at Wheel of Fortune

*She was a Liberian at McGraw Hill

*She had six boys and two girls (one she was forced to give up for adoption to her brother and we knew nothing about it until after she died. So my mom has a cousin sister)

*She had rules about how to hang tinsel on the Christmas tree - one strand at a time.

*She was a great cook until she got old and then everything became bland

*She always made time for me and made me feel special

Funny

Last night on the way home Brianna and Liam were fighting over Baby Jaxon. Brianna thinks that Baby Jaxon is her cousin. Liam thinks he's his cousin. I tried to explain that he is both their cousins. Then Brianna screams, "NOOOOO! MY BABY JAXON!"

Then I told Liam to let Brianna have Baby Jaxon (because we don't just call him Jaxon) and he could have Kolby. But noooo, he was enjoying tormenting his little sister. He said, "She can have Cousin Kolby and I get Cousin Baby Jaxon."

Again another shriek out of Brianna.

I finally got Liam to agree to let Brianna have Baby Jaxon and he got Kolby and they could switch later. So he told Brianna she got Jaxon and he got Kolby and all was well and quite in the car.

I didn't have the energy to explain that they can't own their cousins, that they are individual people and not toys.

My goal before Christmas is to get Brianna to understand that you can't treat real babies the way you treat your baby dolls.

Getting Better

Yesterday we had the first rain storm of the session. Mike and Jenn left at a good time. It was rainy, cold, and windy. The wind is what really gets us around here. The kids and I counted tree branches that had fallen on the way to my parents for dinner. It was Tuesday, our day to mooch a free dinner. Greg decided to head home and get some laundry done and have some alone time.

The kids and I left to go home at 7:30 pm. It was dark and still raining and windy. As usual Liam feel asleep on the way home. Typically, I unload all the crap from the car and take it into the house before getting the kids in the house, but I open their doors so I can hear Brianna talking. Last night, I kept the doors closed and had a huge load to haul in; Ashley sent a bag of stuff for me into work with Joaquin, Mom had given me a bag of the kids stuff, two kids umbrellas, my purse. My hands are full and I go to open the door. It's locked. I ring the doorbell . . . twice. No answer from Greg. I have to get to my purse and fish my keys out. I'm cursing Greg under my breath as the wind and rain are beating on my back. I drop all the crap on the floor and go back out to get Brianna. I get her in and tell her to go find Daddy. I then go back out in the wind and rain to get Liam. He's just a dead weight. As I get him to the front door, Greg appears and asks if I need help. I think I gave him one of those looks. You know the one - "Where the hell were you five minutes ago. I've got it covered now."

At this point you might be wondering about the title of this post. Hold on it's coming.

I close the door forcefully and Greg says, "What's wrong?"
I think, "Really?! You're going to ask me what's wrong?"
Instead I say, "The door was locked and I'm soaking wet and I rang the door bell twice."
He then says, "Sorry. I was in the bathroom."
I say while stomping away, "I've got to get these wet clothes off."

Here it comes:

As I walk back to the bedroom to change my clothes, I realize that I'm not really mad at Greg for the door being locked. I'm really just mad and stressed from the drive home. I go back into the living room and explain to Greg.

"I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you. On the way home, I had someone right on my ass and was behind someone driving 20 mph under the speed limit - with the kids in the car. So I was just stressed out from the drive home."

So there it is. I realized what was really bothering me and that I was taking it out on my poor husband, who just wanted to use the bathroom in peace. Not only did I realize what the issue was, but I also apologized to Greg. Huge step for me and my Karma.

I'm really trying to be better about this and I'm noticing it's making both Greg and I happier.

Now why is it that we abuse the ones we love the most?!

Karma

I was reading a blog post about a Karma Project that an ordinary woman was embarking upon. Now she’s not one of those New Age types, she’s just a regular person like you and I trying to better herself through the use of Buddhist principles. This inspired me because I truly believe in Karma and reincarnation. I think in each life you are given some lessons to learn and if you don’t learn them the first time, then you get another life to figure it out. When you/your soul has learned everything and you’ve gotten all you can out of your physical lives, then you finally get to move onto the next plain of existence (Nirvina, Heaven, Whatever you want to call it). If you don’t spend your physical life trying to learn these lessons or if you do great harm, then your next life will be worse than your current life. Personally I like this version of hell better than the Christian one, mostly because you really are held accountable for your actions and just can’t ask for forgiveness. Have you ever had to deal with the person that is really good about saying they are sorry about whatever they did to you, but they don’t ever change their behavior. After a while you have to wonder how sorry they really are, but I digress. (And for my Christian friends, I do understand that God has a better ability than I to tell if someone is truly asking for forgiveness with an open heart)

Being inspired and believing one of my lessons for this life is to learn to be patient with everyone, I decided to try to follow this woman’s model to increase my good Karma and decrease my bad Karma. The model is basically this: Keep a tally on a piece of paper, putting a check mark in the negative category whenever I:

· Killed a bug (Buddhist teachings include not eating animals, but that’s not going to happen so this is as close as I’m coming to caring for all creatures)
· Said or emailed something sarcastic, negative, or mean to someone
· Lost my temper (even if no one knows I’ve lost it)
· Talked about someone behind his or her back
· Gossiped
· Lied (easy one to follow)
· Stole something (again an easy one to refrain from)

And putting a check mark in the positive category whenever I:

· Did something nice for someone
· Complimented someone (I often think these things and don’t say them to the person)
· Did not act in malice when I really wanted to
· Successfully transformed anger into compassion (much harder than it sounds)

As you can see from the list, some are going to be much, much harder than others. I’ve been doing this for two weeks, but only really being good about it in the car. In the car? You say. Yes, I have a very big problem with thinking evil thoughts while in the car. I don’t have patience for other drivers on the road, etc. Basically I have road rage, which since having children has gotten better (or at least while they are in the car). So my drives into work lately have gone something like this.

Damn, this guy in front of me is driving slow. I can’t wait to get to Davis, so I can pass him. Now wait Erin! The fact that he’s going 5 mph under the speed limit and you’re stuck behind him may be saving you from getting in an accident that’s going to happen up ahead and the universe is saving you from that.

Son of a bitch, that woman almost hit me when she sped up to merge in front of me. What the hell? Now she’s going to make me miss the green light because she’s doing her make-up in the mirror and didn’t notice it turned green. I wish I had that laser vaporizer thing to just get rid of her ass. Oh that’s not good, my Karma just went in the toilet. Okay, think of something. Think! Uhh, maybe it makes her nervous to be behind an SUV because she can’t see around it (don’t worry that your car is a very small SUV) and so she just had to get in front. It’s very smart of her to only do her makeup at stop lights, since I’ve been behind women putting on makeup at 45 mph.

The first day I was working on my driving Karma, I did really good. I was pretty relaxed too and only 3 minutes later to work than normal. I had a morning appointment that day (blood work, urg), which is important to know because of the parking situation at work. Because I come in at 7:00, I typically get a good spot on the side of the building which is close. By 8:00 all those spots are gone. I got back from my appointment at 8:15ish and actually saw someone leaving that parking lot after not finding a spot. Before I turn into MY parking lot, I see my spot I had earlier and it’s still empty. What are the chances? This never happens. Oh my gosh, it’s my good driving Karma at work and almost immediately. It surely was a sign from the universe that I was on the right path.

Even with that immediate result, it’s been a tough couple of weeks trying to keep up the good Karma. I’m definitely going to keep trying because it can only help me in the long run.

I was severely tested on Monday and I didn’t do well at all. I completely lost my temper and let it effect my interaction with another person, who had nothing to do with the situation I was angry about. I’ll blog about that in more detail later. I think I’m going to try to do a Karma update on this blog every Friday. I know it’s not really related to updating you on the latest cute thing the kids have done, but I do think it relates to the fact that I should be a better mother and wife for doing this.

Wish me mindfulness!