Moments

Today I had a few extra minutes, so I checked out the family blogs. On the Cronin Family blog, Janelle had posted some wonderful pictures of four generations of Cronins. There was Granny (Greg’s grandmother), Diana, Janelle, and little Jaxon (although I don’t think I’ll be able to call him little for long). It made me smile and think, “I remember when we did that” and then it hit me. . . We didn't do it with four generations. My Gram never got to meet my children and the tears started. At work on my lunch hour, I’m sitting at my desk trying to keep it together. It’s been 11 years since she died and there are moments when it hits me like her funeral was yesterday.

She’s not the only loved one I’ve lost. I went to more funerals before the age of 25 than I care to count. Both my dad’s parents died before I graduated high school. My crazy uncle with cancer died. My great-uncle, who I thought was my grandpa when I was little because all my cousins called him grandpa, died not that long after my Gram. But none of those deaths can still bring me to tears.

When I was growing up and my dad would go TDY or before we got housing when we moved back to Monterey for my dad to take yet another language class, we’d live with my Gram. The only big holidays that we had were typically at my Gram’s house – otherwise it was just the three of us (mom, dad and me). But at Gram’s there’d be all my uncles and once they started getting married, their wives. And it was always fun!

I have so many funny memories:

*When I was little everyone would get me to sneak up on Gram and tickle her feet while she was watching TV and setting her hair in curlers and dippity doo. She’d always scream and everyone would always laugh.

*Once one of the boys (and it might have been my dad) had a bright idea to burn cardboard boxes in the fireplace to get rid of them. The house filled with smoke and the fire department arrived. I wanted to see what was going on, but Gram took me to the back bedroom and wouldn’t let me come out. I was not happy at the time, but now I see how she was protecting me or maybe just keeping me out of the way.

*Gram taught me to play cribbage and pinochle. She was always ready to play cards.

*The most terrifying and funny memory was when my mom and I were living at Gram’s house and dad had just gotten back into town. That night I slept in a roll away bed in Gram’s room. I was afraid of the dark. Gram snored really loudly. She also called out letters to Pat Sajack like she was on Wheel of Fortune. I finally mustered up enough courage to get out of the bed and head to my parent’s room. I put my hand on the door knob and a voice booms, “Erin get back in bed now!” I ran to my bed and pulled the covers up and didn’t move. Literally I didn’t move all night. I fell asleep eventually, but the next morning my muscles were so sore because I held perfectly still. Looking back it’s funny, but at the time I’m surprised I didn’t wet myself.

*When I got to be a teenager and still had no idea what I was talking about, I liked to bring up sex questions or other embarrassing topics at dinner. It was so much fun to see the look on Gram’s face and the redness on my dad’s face. I don’t think either one of them ever realized I did it just to get a reaction out of them.

Once my dad retired and we settled in Monterey, we spent even more time with Gram. My mom and Gram, were close, much like I’m very close with my mom. The three of us would do stuff together all the time. We’d play cards. We’d go to movies. We’d have lunch and talk. To this day it pisses me off to no end to see three generations at lunch and the two youngest generations are on their cell phones. They have no idea what they are missing. Once in college when I was trying to avoid writing a paper, I wrote a poem for Gram. I’m not really a poet or anything, but it just came out of me. I had to express these feelings to her. I’m so glad I did. I know she always knew how much I loved her and how much she meant to me.

I just wish Greg and the kids had gotten to meet her, but I talk about her quite a bit, so they can get to know her vicariously through my stories and she will live on.

Random Gram things:

*You're full of malarkey

*Shyzter - she was trying to say shit in German but never pronounced it right

*She would go around signing the Tennessee Waltz when my mom was a kid and both mom and I think of her when we hear that song

*She would sing Mare's Eat Oats to me when I was a kid

*She was smart as a whip and could beat everyone at Wheel of Fortune

*She was a Liberian at McGraw Hill

*She had six boys and two girls (one she was forced to give up for adoption to her brother and we knew nothing about it until after she died. So my mom has a cousin sister)

*She had rules about how to hang tinsel on the Christmas tree - one strand at a time.

*She was a great cook until she got old and then everything became bland

*She always made time for me and made me feel special